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Gym Ettiquette for a Guy Downtrodden
1
 

Chimeron
Level

Join date: Feb 2010
Posts: 3

I just did 7 1/2 years in the pen, I'm really into lifting and running, so I'd like to meet a woman into the same thing. 1 If I find someone attractive at the gym whats the best way to approach her respectfully, and 2 How do I bring up my past first and foremost or give it time?

Thank you for any responses.

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VTBalla34
Level 5

Join date: Mar 2009
Posts: 7536

lol

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101airborne
Level 1

Join date: Aug 2009
Posts: 161

You've been out the loop for a while. Damn. How do we catch you up?

You could join the military.
or
Save some money and hit up Panama City, FL for spring break next month.

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AlisaV
Level

Join date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2655

I was picked up in the gym once -- here's how you do it.

Go up to her after she's finished her set. (this is important -- nobody wants to be interrupted in the middle of a lift.) Ask her a question about what she's training for, how she got into lifting, etc. If it's relevant to give her advice or a compliment, go ahead (though I'd advise against a compliment on her looks.) If she's willing to engage you in conversation for a minute or two, ask her if she'd like to get coffee sometime.

Key points: show confidence, but also take no for an answer (if a woman is willing to say "No" to your face, that generally means her mind is made up).

I would want to know about your past soon, but not first thing; let's say, second date. Let her know that you've given up whatever behavior got you in there.

And you have to be very careful to not do things that frighten her -- men don't often think about this, but it's important. Meet her in public places. Don't set up dates where you're her only way to get home. Don't ever, even in a romantic situation, physically place your body so that she can't move away from you.

Presumably you're a good guy and you don't want to think about things like these, but women, being more vulnerable, think about them all the time. Let me put it this way. Ask yourself, "If I were a violent criminal, could I harm her right now?" If the answer is yes -- regardless of how innocent your actual motives -- then she probably doesn't feel safe.

Hope this helps.

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aeyogi
Level 1

Join date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1002

AlisaV wrote:
I was picked up in the gym once -- here's how you do it.

Go up to her after she's finished her set. (this is important -- nobody wants to be interrupted in the middle of a lift.) Ask her a question about what she's training for, how she got into lifting, etc. If it's relevant to give her advice or a compliment, go ahead (though I'd advise against a compliment on her looks.) If she's willing to engage you in conversation for a minute or two, ask her if she'd like to get coffee sometime.

Key points: show confidence, but also take no for an answer (if a woman is willing to say "No" to your face, that generally means her mind is made up).

I would want to know about your past soon, but not first thing; let's say, second date. Let her know that you've given up whatever behavior got you in there.

And you have to be very careful to not do things that frighten her -- men don't often think about this, but it's important. Meet her in public places. Don't set up dates where you're her only way to get home. Don't ever, even in a romantic situation, physically place your body so that she can't move away from you.

Presumably you're a good guy and you don't want to think about things like these, but women, being more vulnerable, think about them all the time. Let me put it this way. Ask yourself, "If I were a violent criminal, could I harm her right now?" If the answer is yes -- regardless of how innocent your actual motives -- then she probably doesn't feel safe.

Hope this helps.


Interesting post, I wish someone had told me this 20 years ago.

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Eric 2.0
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Join date: Feb 2010
Posts: 582

AlisaV wrote:

Ask yourself, "If I were a violent criminal, could I harm her right now?" If the answer is yes -- regardless of how innocent your actual motives -- then she probably doesn't feel safe.

Hope this helps.


This is absolutely deranged. I don't know about OP, but I don't see ever asking myself this. It also sounds like a great way to psych yourself out and get nervous over nothing.

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rcfromdb
Level

Join date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1151

AlisaV wrote:
I was picked up in the gym once -- here's how you do it.

Go up to her after she's finished her set. (this is important -- nobody wants to be interrupted in the middle of a lift.) Ask her a question about what she's training for, how she got into lifting, etc. If it's relevant to give her advice or a compliment, go ahead (though I'd advise against a compliment on her looks.) If she's willing to engage you in conversation for a minute or two, ask her if she'd like to get coffee sometime.

Key points: show confidence, but also take no for an answer (if a woman is willing to say "No" to your face, that generally means her mind is made up).

I would want to know about your past soon, but not first thing; let's say, second date. Let her know that you've given up whatever behavior got you in there.

And you have to be very careful to not do things that frighten her -- men don't often think about this, but it's important. Meet her in public places. Don't set up dates where you're her only way to get home. Don't ever, even in a romantic situation, physically place your body so that she can't move away from you.

Presumably you're a good guy and you don't want to think about things like these, but women, being more vulnerable, think about them all the time. Let me put it this way. Ask yourself, "If I were a violent criminal, could I harm her right now?" If the answer is yes -- regardless of how innocent your actual motives -- then she probably doesn't feel safe.

Hope this helps.


There is a lot of truth here..men don't think about it but I know many women who think/feel this way.

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pushmepullme
Level 2

Join date: May 2008
Posts: 10537

Eric 2.0 wrote:
AlisaV wrote:

Ask yourself, "If I were a violent criminal, could I harm her right now?" If the answer is yes -- regardless of how innocent your actual motives -- then she probably doesn't feel safe.

Hope this helps.


This is absolutely deranged. I don't know about OP, but I don't see ever asking myself this. It also sounds like a great way to psych yourself out and get nervous over nothing.


Grow a vagina, get raped, and let me know your opinion then.

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Eric 2.0
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Join date: Feb 2010
Posts: 582

pushmepullme wrote:
Eric 2.0 wrote:
AlisaV wrote:

Ask yourself, "If I were a violent criminal, could I harm her right now?" If the answer is yes -- regardless of how innocent your actual motives -- then she probably doesn't feel safe.

Hope this helps.


This is absolutely deranged. I don't know about OP, but I don't see ever asking myself this. It also sounds like a great way to psych yourself out and get nervous over nothing.


Grow a vagina, get raped, and let me know your opinion then.


I'm sorry theres sick assholes out there that are rapists, but I can't imagine me walking on eggshells around women is going to stop those guys from being sick assholes. The first few dates are always in public places anyway, so what exactly would this way of thinking really change?

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Eric 2.0
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Join date: Feb 2010
Posts: 582

If a girl doesn't feel comforable enough with me yet, then all she has to do is not let us be alone until she does. I know that I am not a sick asshole, therefore I refuse to constantly think as if I am one.

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AlisaV
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Join date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2655

Wasn't trying to get the guy to think of himself as a sick asshole or get nervous. Really, I'm not trying to encourage paranoia.

The thing is, he's asking, "I've been to jail. How can I date girls without scaring them off?"

And I'm saying, "You avoid scaring them off by being very deliberately non-scary, and not doing things that could be construed as scary."

Doesn't that make sense?

If you want to reassure people that you're not X, shouldn't you make a point of acting the opposite of X?

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Nancy Boy
Level 3

Join date: Oct 2007
Posts: 126

Eric 2.0 wrote:
AlisaV wrote:

Ask yourself, "If I were a violent criminal, could I harm her right now?" If the answer is yes -- regardless of how innocent your actual motives -- then she probably doesn't feel safe.

Hope this helps.


This is absolutely deranged. I don't know about OP, but I don't see ever asking myself this. It also sounds like a great way to psych yourself out and get nervous over nothing.

I don't believe Alisa was inferring that you should be paranoid and constantly second-guessing yourself, but, rather, displaying empathy (which you should be doing regardless.)
For OP...I would focus on improving myself and allow the other factors to take care of themselves. I have never tried to "pick up on a woman," but I have always had women who would want to be with me if I so chose. Simply, treat people in a human manner rather than as objectives, and everything should be fine.

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JonEightPackGuy
Level 1

Join date: Dec 2006
Posts: 2421

Or you could just leave women alone because they are two overflowing scheming emotional handfuls that will tear you down little by little til one day you look down and realize you no longer have a dick. What happened to your dick, well let me tell ya. Over the years she's slowly been tightening the ball and chain around your neck, every time you go to bed with her she has been her pussy to rape your soul. And because she has vagina dentata your dick has slowly been given up to her til she controls you, your lifestyle, you as a man. And by the time realize you are dickless it'll be to late. Her fangs will be clenched tight around your jugular devouring every last ounce of energy you had left to fight her off but it is over.

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steveprez
Level 2

Join date: Jul 2009
Posts: 33

JonEightPackGuy wrote:
Or you could just leave women alone because they are two overflowing scheming emotional handfuls that will tear you down little by little til one day you look down and realize you no longer have a dick. What happened to your dick, well let me tell ya. Over the years she's slowly been tightening the ball and chain around your neck, every time you go to bed with her she has been her pussy to rape your soul. And because she has vagina dentata your dick has slowly been given up to her til she controls you, your lifestyle, you as a man. And by the time realize you are dickless it'll be to late. Her fangs will be clenched tight around your jugular devouring every last ounce of energy you had left to fight her off but it is over.


Ouch! Someone has "issues".

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TheBigV
Level 1

Join date: Jun 2008
Posts: 634

I just assumed he was a troll

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Elaikases
Level 1

Join date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1757

AlisaV wrote:
Wasn't trying to get the guy to think of himself as a sick asshole or get nervous. Really, I'm not trying to encourage paranoia.

The thing is, he's asking, "I've been to jail. How can I date girls without scaring them off?"

And I'm saying, "You avoid scaring them off by being very deliberately non-scary, and not doing things that could be construed as scary."

Doesn't that make sense?

If you want to reassure people that you're not X, shouldn't you make a point of acting the opposite of X?



Very well said, actually. If he wants to lift, and if he wants to avoid scaring people that is the sort of advice he needs.

In addition, one thing he can do, if he has patience, is just be a positive gym presence. Be at the gym, lifting seriously for 4-5 weeks so that he has become part of the environment. That makes a difference too.

"Whose that?" "Oh, that's Joe, he always deadlifts at 7:00 p.m. Monday nights, like clockwork. He'll be in doing arms tomorrow, legs on Wednesday and ..."

Being part of the environment helps.

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