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Giving Up on Women
 

Chushin
Level 100

Join date: Feb 2005
Location: Japan
Posts: 7395

Derek542 wrote:
Chushin wrote:
BrickHead wrote:
Derek542 wrote:
BrickHead wrote:
Or that talk of the issue of a lonely man is "pedantic", as if we were trying to show off our knowledge on this unsavory topic that most would rather not even be burdened with. I'm "taken"--have a fiance--but find the topic reasonable for discussion in this day and age. I had to go on seemingly or ACTUALLY a hundred dates before I found her and by my own volition didn't take up opportunities in situations in which quite a few women did like me but I suffered a stiflingly low self-image in order for it to further; so I can empathize, and if someone thinks it's funny or unimportant, realize that it's quite opposite! Most men, most PEOPLE, don't want to go through life alone and for others to belittle this feelings of loneliness or "jadedness" is not cool in my opinion.

Great point, but how do you instill drive and goals into people? How do you inspire people to fix themselves before they try to find a partner in life?


Well, I can offer personal and general information that I think might help.

Personally speaking, I believe had it not been for cripplingly low self-esteem, I would have a whole lot more money than I do now and could've been married with kids years ago! However, I love my fiance and wouldn't have found her had my life not gone the course it did (my real life T-mag friends have met her and will be at my engagement party and wedding).

In my case, it took some serious soul searching, cognitive therapy, and behavior modification. I had to finally come to grips that I COULD form a meaningful long-term relationship with a woman despite not being filthy rich or someone with outrageous resources or special in any form. Christ knows, if it took those things to attract women, we wouldn't have 9 billion people on this earth, with 8 million of them in my city, New York City. I'd go on dates, meet women, and the sabotage everything by not picking up certain cues--you know, like a woman having you over til the wee hours of the morning, calling you all the time, and STILL NOT initiating sex because in my screwed up self defeating thinking I thought she just wanted to be friends and couldn't possibly like an unlovable man like me. I actually thought shit like that, that I was undesirable because I wasn't special; meanwhile all my ordinary friends were well into marriages and engaged relationships because they weren't screwed up in the head as I was.

I'd report to my therapist on dates I went on and interactions with women. It hit home with me when I said to him that I thought I'd be alone forever, and he frankly replied, "B, I'm telling you right now, at your age, if you don't start pulling the trigger when women respond positively to you, then you WILL be alone. The next time you even think a woman is into you, you better do something and figure out if you are in or out!" That dawned on me and I figured that either I'm going to ask women on dates and on those dates initiate intimacy at the proper time or I'm going to be alone... FOR GOOD.

So, possibly looking at harsh realities makes one wake up and do something.

Generally speaking, I think that single guys should stay in their socioeconomic and aesthetic leagues, develop a full life for themselves (in which a woman will be an necessary addition-obviously not an option), and focus on the right fit for them. Minimizing internet time, working out, and abstaining from porn and our current junk culture helps too, which as I said gives men a false sense of what real women are like.

I'm NO expert though.


Awesome post, and mad respect.

We could be friends IRL (and I'm picky as hell).

Yes you are

????

I think of you as a friend.

What does that tell us?

;-)

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spar4tee
Level

Join date: Sep 2010
Location: District of Columbia, USA
Posts: 10056

Chushin wrote:
Derek542 wrote:
Chushin wrote:
BrickHead wrote:
Derek542 wrote:
BrickHead wrote:
Or that talk of the issue of a lonely man is "pedantic", as if we were trying to show off our knowledge on this unsavory topic that most would rather not even be burdened with. I'm "taken"--have a fiance--but find the topic reasonable for discussion in this day and age. I had to go on seemingly or ACTUALLY a hundred dates before I found her and by my own volition didn't take up opportunities in situations in which quite a few women did like me but I suffered a stiflingly low self-image in order for it to further; so I can empathize, and if someone thinks it's funny or unimportant, realize that it's quite opposite! Most men, most PEOPLE, don't want to go through life alone and for others to belittle this feelings of loneliness or "jadedness" is not cool in my opinion.

Great point, but how do you instill drive and goals into people? How do you inspire people to fix themselves before they try to find a partner in life?


Well, I can offer personal and general information that I think might help.

Personally speaking, I believe had it not been for cripplingly low self-esteem, I would have a whole lot more money than I do now and could've been married with kids years ago! However, I love my fiance and wouldn't have found her had my life not gone the course it did (my real life T-mag friends have met her and will be at my engagement party and wedding).

In my case, it took some serious soul searching, cognitive therapy, and behavior modification. I had to finally come to grips that I COULD form a meaningful long-term relationship with a woman despite not being filthy rich or someone with outrageous resources or special in any form. Christ knows, if it took those things to attract women, we wouldn't have 9 billion people on this earth, with 8 million of them in my city, New York City. I'd go on dates, meet women, and the sabotage everything by not picking up certain cues--you know, like a woman having you over til the wee hours of the morning, calling you all the time, and STILL NOT initiating sex because in my screwed up self defeating thinking I thought she just wanted to be friends and couldn't possibly like an unlovable man like me. I actually thought shit like that, that I was undesirable because I wasn't special; meanwhile all my ordinary friends were well into marriages and engaged relationships because they weren't screwed up in the head as I was.

I'd report to my therapist on dates I went on and interactions with women. It hit home with me when I said to him that I thought I'd be alone forever, and he frankly replied, "B, I'm telling you right now, at your age, if you don't start pulling the trigger when women respond positively to you, then you WILL be alone. The next time you even think a woman is into you, you better do something and figure out if you are in or out!" That dawned on me and I figured that either I'm going to ask women on dates and on those dates initiate intimacy at the proper time or I'm going to be alone... FOR GOOD.

So, possibly looking at harsh realities makes one wake up and do something.

Generally speaking, I think that single guys should stay in their socioeconomic and aesthetic leagues, develop a full life for themselves (in which a woman will be an necessary addition-obviously not an option), and focus on the right fit for them. Minimizing internet time, working out, and abstaining from porn and our current junk culture helps too, which as I said gives men a false sense of what real women are like.

I'm NO expert though.


Awesome post, and mad respect.

We could be friends IRL (and I'm picky as hell).

Yes you are

????

I think of you as a friend.

What does that tell us?

;-)

Upon the assumption that this is analyzed linearly, there's going to a binary result. Chushin, you're diabolical.

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debraD
Level 1

Join date: Jul 2008
Location:
Posts: 7304

Brickhead, it's nice to see you back. Sounds like things are going well for you. =)

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BrickHead
Level

Join date: May 2012
Location: New York, USA
Posts: 2697

Thanks Debra and Chushin.

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BrickHead
Level

Join date: May 2012
Location: New York, USA
Posts: 2697

ryanbCXG wrote:
Derek542 wrote:
BrickHead wrote:
Or that talk of the issue of a lonely man is "pedantic", as if we were trying to show off our knowledge on this unsavory topic that most would rather not even be burdened with. I'm "taken"--have a fiance--but find the topic reasonable for discussion in this day and age. I had to go on seemingly or ACTUALLY a hundred dates before I found her and by my own volition didn't take up opportunities in situations in which quite a few women did like me but I suffered a stiflingly low self-image in order for it to further; so I can empathize, and if someone thinks it's funny or unimportant, realize that it's quite opposite! Most men, most PEOPLE, don't want to go through life alone and for others to belittle this feelings of loneliness or "jadedness" is not cool in my opinion.

Great point, but how do you instill drive and goals into people? How do you inspire people to fix themselves before they try to find a partner in life?


Instilling drive is hard and I don't know how to do that as I have no understanding of lack of drive.

But I am not sure you need to be fixed or at least completely fixed, before finding that person. If that person truly is a good match they will understand and help you through it.


You don't have to be "fixed" or perfect for a someone to fall in love with you. There are plenty of flawed people out there with love in their lives. And for whatever reason, ordinary people just don't need so much damn drive because they have ordinary responsibilities, live in ordinary places, and have little influence in work or society. This is NOT bad considering this makes for a stable civilization. These people are not bad, but are often referred to as the "stupid masses", which I believe is unrightfully so because they are simply people filling necessary roles in our work force and most are just decent people--you know, like a delivery man, truck driver, railroad conductor, bus driver, and so on--who are simply trying to earn a living, raise a family, and trying to have some fun in life. Great ambition is uncalled for in these peoples' lives, but it's not as if they aren't to do their jobs right or raise kids or just be decent people.

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