"The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you."
I never understood that quote, I still don't quite understand that quote as much as I'm sure it deserves, but I was always obsessed over it. There's a part of it that sounds like some vague girly facebook quote, but I always brushed that off in search for it's deeper meaning. My subconscious has it together, and it knows why this is resonating with me, but my conscious mind can't quite grasp it.
I'm not a person with all that much ambition or real sense of urgency and sometimes I see that as a massive hindrance to my life and how things turn out, that I don't work hard enough to make something truly special of myself and that I'm just cruising along with no real sense of purpose or lively intent. But then I think about what I enjoy, and I realise that all I ever wanted to do since I was young, was watch movies. Not even make or review them, but just watch them and appreciate them for what they are (and more recently lift heavy weights, squatting especially; but as much as I love to do it, the passion does not compare at all). As long as I've been able to watch a brilliant film and be rewarded with something special in it's message, I've been happy. Maybe my life has not been a roller-coaster ride of excitement with a clash of massive highs and troubling lows, but I've never dwelled for too long on the lows, because I've been grateful to be able to do all that I've ever really wanted to do on a consistent basis. Maybe that's what it means, that sometimes the simplicity of a passion, and the immersion in that passion constitutes an innate happiness, and to be so concerned in societal success and the creation of a legacy at the cost of just enjoying the things that you love invites an uncertainty and stressful livelihood. Maybe I'm just bitter because I never expected to amount to anything, and maybe I'm wrong in my assumption, but as long as I've had the cinema I've been happy, and if I don't understand the quote perfectly, at the very least I understand that.
One day I'm sure, when I'm in my seventies or eighties and I've had a lot of life to look back on, I'll know what that quote means and why it has such a hold on me, and if that day comes, I await it patiently, and graciously.