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Toxic People
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LizInILM
Level

Join date: Mar 2012
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posts: 3

Hello all,
I'm sorry if this ends in an angry rant, but...

Sometimes it seems that the people closest to me are the ones who are most judgmental of my lifestyle. For example:

me: "For dinner, I would like to have tuna steaks and broccoli."
boyfriend: "Why don't we go to the bar and then see how we feel from there..."
me: "I don't know....I'd rather just eat at home."
boyfriend: "......oh........I guess we can eat in......again............."

GAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I'm SOOOO sorry, boyfriend of over a year....I'd rather be lean and confident and look smokin' hot for you when I'm naked than be drunk and bloated/fat at the bar!

Another example when my mother is in town:

Mom: Let's go to olive garden.
Me: Nah...I don't wanna eat breadsticks.
Mom: Ok.....then let's go where you want to go.
Me: Let me cook for you! I can make chicken breasts and a really good salad.
Mom: Yeah, but what about bread? You need to learn to serve bread with dinner.

(No joke....this conversation actually occurred with my mother. She LOVES bread and thinks it should occur with every meal.)

I'm just frustrated with the way my lifestyle/diet is viewed by the rest of the world. SINCE WHEN IS WALKING OR JOGGING CONSIDERED A "WORK OUT"?!?!?!?! I know that my boyfriend supports me MOST of the time and my mom wants me to be fit and lean, but it seems they're missing the point where diet meets effort at the gym.

Are these people toxic or should I just learn to accept our differences? At what point do I draw the line between my lifestyle and my loved ones?

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StevenF
Level 4

Join date: Feb 2003
Location: Michigan, USA
Posts: 4332

You just have to accept the fact that most people simply do not care how they look. They also, consequently, don't care what they put into their body.

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pgtips
Level

Join date: Aug 2011
Location:
Posts: 954

It doesn't sound like they are being toxic at all. It's the lifestyle you chose, They didn't choose it. You can't expect your boyfriend or your mum to do exactly what you want, cause if they did, wouldn't that be you being toxic towards them?

I mean, if you don't see your mum often, surely a few breadsticks aint going to hurt the times she does visit? It isn't like you have to eat them everyday.

If your boyfriend wants to go out once in a while, why not? I'm sure he supports you with your lifestyle.

Going to bar doesn't mean YOU have to drink and be bloated by default.

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roguevampire
Level 3

Join date: Aug 2010
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Posts: 1808

LizInILM wrote:
Hello all,
I'm sorry if this ends in an angry rant, but...

Sometimes it seems that the people closest to me are the ones who are most judgmental of my lifestyle. For example:

me: "For dinner, I would like to have tuna steaks and broccoli."
boyfriend: "Why don't we go to the bar and then see how we feel from there..."
me: "I don't know....I'd rather just eat at home."
boyfriend: "......oh........I guess we can eat in......again............."

GAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I'm SOOOO sorry, boyfriend of over a year....I'd rather be lean and confident and look smokin' hot for you when I'm naked than be drunk and bloated/fat at the bar!

Another example when my mother is in town:

Mom: Let's go to olive garden.
Me: Nah...I don't wanna eat breadsticks.
Mom: Ok.....then let's go where you want to go.
Me: Let me cook for you! I can make chicken breasts and a really good salad.
Mom: Yeah, but what about bread? You need to learn to serve bread with dinner.

(No joke....this conversation actually occurred with my mother. She LOVES bread and thinks it should occur with every meal.)

I'm just frustrated with the way my lifestyle/diet is viewed by the rest of the world. SINCE WHEN IS WALKING OR JOGGING CONSIDERED A "WORK OUT"?!?!?!?! I know that my boyfriend supports me MOST of the time and my mom wants me to be fit and lean, but it seems they're missing the point where diet meets effort at the gym.

Are these people toxic or should I just learn to accept our differences? At what point do I draw the line between my lifestyle and my loved ones?



The big problem here is, you don't see the problem. Do you really think eating breadsticks or just going out for dinner is going to make you fat? You don't see the problem of not wanting to go out. Your man and your mom probably just want to get out of the house. Your not going to get fat, by having a couple of drinks at a bar. You do realize that right? Guys like to go out, simple. They don't want to be stuck in the house.

Only times i can understand not wanting to go out to eat, is if your 3 days away from a bodybuilding contest. Otherwise, your being super paranoid.

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roguevampire
Level 3

Join date: Aug 2010
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Posts: 1808

pgtips wrote:
It doesn't sound like they are being toxic at all. It's the lifestyle you chose, They didn't choose it. You can't expect your boyfriend or your mum to do exactly what you want, cause if they did, wouldn't that be you being toxic towards them?

I mean, if you don't see your mum often, surely a few breadsticks aint going to hurt the times she does visit? It isn't like you have to eat them everyday.

If your boyfriend wants to go out once in a while, why not? I'm sure he supports you with your lifestyle.

Going to bar doesn't mean YOU have to drink and be bloated by default.



agreed. I put it a bit more bluntle. Even the most competitive of bodybuilders have cheat meals. All this training isn't going to do you anygood, if no man wants to be with you. I guarantee, if you don't start doing things your boyfriend wants, he will not be with you much longer.

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pgtips
Level

Join date: Aug 2011
Location:
Posts: 954

roguevampire wrote:
pgtips wrote:
It doesn't sound like they are being toxic at all. It's the lifestyle you chose, They didn't choose it. You can't expect your boyfriend or your mum to do exactly what you want, cause if they did, wouldn't that be you being toxic towards them?

I mean, if you don't see your mum often, surely a few breadsticks aint going to hurt the times she does visit? It isn't like you have to eat them everyday.

If your boyfriend wants to go out once in a while, why not? I'm sure he supports you with your lifestyle.

Going to bar doesn't mean YOU have to drink and be bloated by default.



agreed. I put it a bit more bluntle. Even the most competitive of bodybuilders have cheat meals. All this training isn't going to do you anygood, if no man wants to be with you. I guarantee, if you don't start doing things your boyfriend wants, he will not be with you much longer.


Exactly. If you were my misses, you'd drive me crazy.

It's important to find a healthy balance. Going to either extreme is bad in my opinion.

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tonypluto
Level

Join date: May 2010
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 158

Sounds like your mom is like most moms and only understands what she's learned from a lifetime of watching TV.
Why cant u go to Olive Garden and eat a steak and salad or something tho? Let her put whatever she wants into herself. If she hasn't learned by now chances are she's not going to change.
As for your BF: Just screw him real good and he'll lose his desire to go out and do anything. Failsafe: Keep some beer and junk food in the fridge for afterward.

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theBird
Level

Join date: Aug 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 4409

Comprimise. Its not all about you.

Serve bread to your mother when she arrives. Doesnt mean you have to eat it.
Doesnt the olive garden offer anything else but breadsticks? A breadstick once in awhile isnt going to kill you anyway.
Cant you order some grilled steak and potato at the bar, while sipping on some antioxidant packed red wine?

Its not like you have to go out every night. Save your cheat meal for those times that you will be going out with your family.

Enjoy.


*tweet*

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yarni
Level

Join date: Dec 2007
Location:
Posts: 224

LizInILM wrote:
Another example when my mother is in town:

Mom: Let's go to olive garden.
Me: Nah...I don't wanna eat breadsticks.
Mom: Ok.....then let's go where you want to go.
Me: Let me cook for you! I can make chicken breasts and a really good salad.
Mom: Yeah, but what about bread? You need to learn to serve bread with dinner.

(No joke....this conversation actually occurred with my mother. She LOVES bread and thinks it should occur with every meal.)


Errrm, couldn't you just BUY some bread for your mom? It costs practically nothing. So your mum likes bread, big deal. Not sure how old you are, but a lot of 'moms' grew up in a time where there was much less to choose from food-wise. Bread has been considered a staple in human diets because it feeds people cheaply.

Not everyone can buy tuna and fresh salad everyday. Consider yourself lucky that you can financially feed yourself healthy, whole foods - and if you're too weak to do it without everyone else following you and supporting your every decision - GIVE UP

There are people literally starving to death in this world and you're complaining because your mom likes bread. Listen to yourself for 5 minutes. You sound very selfish.

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bartonmlee
Level 3

Join date: Nov 2003
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posts: 607

what everybody said is good. even so, if you're actually dieting(weight loss) then you may have a point.
however being that you are eating healthy, worry about yourself for the time being and let boyfreind and family eat what they may.you can not gain weight eating what they are unless you go overboard daily
for months................

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skohcl
Level 4

Join date: Aug 2008
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 523

Yeah, this kinda' sucks because going out and not eating or drinking "normally" can suck. I tend to drink alot of diet coke and try to have lots of fruitful conversations. I will say that rejecting everything everyone offers you because its not low-cal lean protein or something gets very annoying too, just gotta' try and stay chipper and stay on your diet!

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njrusmc
Level 4

Join date: Jun 2008
Location: New York, USA
Posts: 1118

You can find reasonably healthy choices almost anywhere you goto eat. Ask the waitress to hold the biscuits and give you the vegetable-of-the-day instead. Don't drink alcohol at the bar if you don't want to. I'm not introducing anything new here, but you can't expect people to always do what you want to do ALL THE TIME. I'm used to eating a strict home-made diet, but now I'm far from home on an extended business trip and I've run out of most of supplements. I'm eating at restauarants three meals a day. But I'm doing the best I can ... and if you want your boyfriend to stick around you'll have to compromise.

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GeorgeJ
Level 3

Join date: Oct 2002
Location: Nova scotia, CAN
Posts: 13

Seems you want everyone to support you, while you don't support anyone!

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